Botox and Breast Implants

“I never thought I would be married to someone with fake boobs.”

Sean Fisher

 

It cracked me up when my husband said this a few weeks ago. I never thought he would be married to someone with breast implants either. I also didn’t think I would get botox. I certainly never thought I would get botox in my rectum. But that happened today. Yikes.  Hopefully my poops will be far less excruciating and the fissure can heal.  I never thought I would have a blog, and I certainly never thought I would talk about my rectum on my blog. The lines are blurred between what is and should remain private.

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Over the last few years my relationship to my breasts have changed. In pregnancy and childbirth you become accustomed to exposing your body, your “private parts” to doctors, ultrasound technicians, nurses, and midwives. Your body becomes a vessel for growing, delivering, and feeding a new person.

I was hoping for 2 natural births and ended up with 2 emergency c-sections after 24+ hours of labor. After each delivery our midwife would bring the babies to me for skin to skin contact and help guide the babies onto my breast for their first feed. Nursing a baby is both mind-blowingly bizarre and the most primal and natural thing we can do. My boobs became their boobs and they were voracious eaters. When they were hungry, I fed them, which was every 3 hours for the first 6 months. If you were around me and my babies, you probably saw my boobs (their boobs).  When I was a teenager, and the boys I knew were obsessed with boobs, I remember wondering what the big deal is. Nursing a baby makes sense, oh that’s what these are for! Breastfeeding isn’t easy but it is something that I loved doing, and I’m grateful that I was able to put these boobs to good use before losing them.

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My supply dwindled and eventually ran out in May; in June I noticed that one breast still felt like it had milk in it, and in July I was diagnosed. I am still in the mode of thinking of my breasts as utilitarian milk makers. I ask every single doctor if my children are at risk for being fed through a tumor, the answer is always NO but they squirm in their seat at the thought.

I’m grappling with the thought that perhaps pregnancy, breastfeeding, or the accompanying hormonal changes provided the environment that my body needed to grow this cancer. I’m considered a pregnancy case because I was diagnosed within a year of having a baby. The tumor is large at 10cm, and the type is slow growing, so it has been there for a while, probably through both pregnancies and nursing both babies for almost a year each.

Tig Notaro is a comedian that had breast cancer. In one of her stand up routines she says that she made so many jokes about her tiny titties that they tried to kill her. I have always loved my B boobs–they were just right for me–big enough to be there but not big enough to draw any unwanted attention.  They have served me well (except for the time they tried to kill me), and I will miss them.

 

5 thoughts on “Botox and Breast Implants

  1. Dian Winingder October 22, 2016 / 3:38 am

    Tomorrow morning many of us will walk in the Susan Korman Cure for Breast Cancer in City Park and we dedicate this walk to Diana’s beautiful boobs and all the women who are dealing with this fight.
    Loving Kindness and Gratitude for ALL Boobs.
    NAMASTE

    Like

  2. Catherine Edwards October 22, 2016 / 4:40 am

    I love and admire your unbridled honesty in all things good and bad.
    Keep fighting. I pray for you.

    Like

  3. Currys October 22, 2016 / 11:14 am

    Dear Diana,

    You leave us (the many who love and follow you) speechless, which is a good thing.

    Your blogs will help everyone who reads them. Our empathy will increase exponentially, and we will see with new eyes each person who suffers-that’s a promise.

    Love,

    Carolyn and Bill Curry

    Like

  4. Elizabeth Reiss October 22, 2016 / 1:36 pm

    With love and thoughts for happier days, Diana…..you are an inspiration to all of us. Love, Libbie

    Like

  5. Beverly Morris October 23, 2016 / 5:32 pm

    You are always so beautifully honest Diana and that’s what I love about your blog. You are fantastically sensitive, open and on point. YAY YOU!!!!!!!! You are loved by so many!!!!!!!!!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

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